Personal coaching isn't always about finding people's strengths; you must also identify the things which are holding a person back so that you can help them overcome these things.  The problem is that people won't always volunteer this information to you, and often times they'll guard you from finding it out. As a coach, you must be able to uncover a person's inner conflicts without triggering their defense mechanisms. Let's look at one of the most effective means of accomplishing this...

The Mirror Holds the Clue

People will tell you just about everything that you need to know about themselves if you just know how to ask. When it comes to their personal obstacles, you simply get them talking about other people and listen for the things which they are really bothered by. For example, just about every sales person I've ever coached who was dealing with the fear of rejection hated high pressure salespeople. Can you see the potential problem here?

How can you go out and aggressively sell your product if you have a negative attitude towards sales people? In the back of your mind there will always this nagging fear of being perceived as a pushy sales person.  The same is true for people who are overweight that hate it when people obsess about their health, people who are bothered by "laziness" who in reality are cluttering their lives with busyness.

Listen for the things which people hate in others, and you'll have a direct clue as to what their emotional baggage is. This is because life is a mirror and people see everyone and everything within the context of their own emotions. If you want someone to define themselves to you, have them define the world and define others... there's your answer.

Getting Them to See their Limitations

Now, here's the trick with this, most of the time you can't simply call them out and say: "Ah, you think sales people are pushy and you don't want to be seen as pushy and that's why you're afraid to work harder at your sales job!" Sorry, that's not going to work most of the time, unless you already have a VERY high level of trust with your client.

Instead, you have to keep your insight to yourself and use it as a tool to lead them towards the discovery on their own. For example, I had a client once who was complaining about the company he worked for not having a direction or a vision. He was very passionate about this, so I took note of it and moved on to asking him about his life. Finally, we got around to asking about his personal mission statement... which was non-existent.

I asked him if it bothered him that he didn't have a personal vision as much it bothered him that the company he worked for didn't have one. There was a long silence. The connection was made, and there was no way he could argue with his own words. So get a look in the mirror, find the obstacles and use that knowledge to direct your client in discovering what's holding them back.

Personal coaching and self improvement